It's a Kind of Magic
by SpeaksInRiddles
Summary: Magical Girl AU. Crack.
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal Saturday for 11-years-old Harry Potter, resident at number 4. He was assigned his unfair share of backbreaking work, while the Dursleys lounged in the living room.

He didn't get what they had against him, really. The only thing strange about him was their attitude towards him. Who the hell forces someone to live in a cupboard under the stairs?

The boy didn't know he was destined for great things. No one knew, but one person.

Fate would soon be set in motion though.

Really, really soon, like in two seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

This wasn't how he wanted to die, Harry mused, but could do little but judge another wave of magic. How the hell did he get caught up in a monster attack? Surrey was a magical dead-zone.

Nevertheless, here he was, running for his life from what had to be a Hallow Class Being. IT couldn't be much else, seeing how dead-zones belonged to DEATH, whom was greatly feared by Abyssal Magia Voldemort, Mistress of Monsters.

Therefore, it was one of Death's Own. A Hallow King.

But that simply led him back to his first question. How the hell did HE get caught up in a monster attack? Surely, he wasn't that interesting?

He, regardless of such thoughts, sped up. He wanted to bloody survive, godsdamnit.

He didn't know for how long he had run, but what was clear was the fact that it couldn't go on much longer.

That is, he had made a wrong turn and ended up in a dead-end alley.

Just as he closed his eyes to the approaching attack, expecting to die, he heard a high-pitched voice scream 'Protego'. Almost directly a magical shield appeared in from of him, halting the monster in it's tracks.

He cracked one hopeful eye open, before the second followed in disbelieve. On top of the building stood Potentia Hera of House Slytherin, a rising prodigy in the magical arts. Long blond hair was done up in a thick braid, which swayed slightly in the wind. Her costume was the standard Slytherin black and green, lined with silver.

Things were looking up it seemed.

Or not.

Certainly, Potentia Hera was soon joined by Potentias Hestia, Artemis and Athena, and they seemed to fight of the monster with -while not ease- graceful movements that spoke of years of practice.

It was so mesmerizing to see in fact, that Harry forgot to pay attention for a split second.

Causing him to be flattened by the dying beast.

He didn't want to die, he really didn't. Despite how life had treated him as the butt-monkey so far, he didn't want to embrace Death just yet.

'Anything', he thought, nearly delirious from the pain, 'Anything to escape'

Just as he was fading he felt an unknown, yet almost painfully familiar power surge up in him, healing him. It wasn't enough though, and his magic lashed out, to the nearest compatible source.

As it latched unto an acceptable source, it started to drain it dry, in order to fuel itself.

And then some...


	3. Chapter 3

"Headmistress!", a voice yelled, waking Harry from his unconscious state, "You can't possibly expect us to accept this! He... He...", the voice trailed of in embarassement and horror. "He draint it dry!", it whispered dramatically, "Drained us dry! Surely, he's too dangerous to live, with an ability like that!"

By this point the boy was fully awake, and staring at the spectacle on the opposite of the room in horror.

It could have been because there were four decidedly naked girls argueing for his death. Mostly though, it was because of the person they were argueing with.

The person wore the most hideous set of magical girl robes he had ever seen. This was ignoring the fact that someone that old and wrinkly, should never show that much skin or cleavage. He nearly threw up at the sight of the miniskirt.

And the visible bulge under it, because this old wrinkly person in the short skirt was definitely male. Veeeerrrrrrrrrry definitely. Like unmistakably, horribly...

"Surely, the audience beyond the Fourth Wall gets the point!", the narrator yelled, while looking in terror at the script. "I... I can't possibly traumatize them further, my... my conscious will not allow it!"

After which he proceeded to throw up.

"Nor will my stomach", he whimpered.

***Please excuse us for the technical difficulties***


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had trouble wrapping his mind around what he was just told. Even ignoring the fact that he was told so by Albia Dumbledorina, the clearly deranged 'headmaster' -and he refused to called the being by the feminine noun of the title-.

"So let me recap", He said disbelievingly, "So, I... A boy..."

"Not for long", Potentia Hestia murmured, to the other girls, causing Hera and Artemis to snicker.

"...Somehow managed to drain both a freaking Hallow King and four magical powerhouses dry to the point where the latter lost their barrier jackets, and now have their magic at my disposal..."

"Yes, my boy", Dumbledorina said patronizingly, "You are now eligible for the Hogwarts Academy of Magical Studies."

"... As a boy..."

"We have established that, yes..."

"...While all magic potential goes to girls..."

"Yeah... let's go with that", Potentia Artemis stage whispered.

"Nonsense my boy", Dumbledorina declared, "There are plenty of males with our abilities"

"Case in point", mouthed Hera to the others, causing even Athena to crack up this time.

"You simply can't channel it as easily as we girls do...", he continued.

"Rrrrrright...", Harry said disbelievingly.

"We did go co-ed some 50 years ago...", the man said brightly.

"You never hear any news about a magical boy though", Harry said plainly.

At which everyone in the room studiously ignored him. Causing the boy's eyes to widen.

"What aren't you telling me?", he asked, somewhat accusingly.

Dumbledorina coughed, "We haven't exactly managed to successfully change the curriculum yet."

"Huh", Harry asked?

After which Potentia Hera took over and clarified flatly, "In this school you can only graduate as a Magical Girl. Regardless of gender."

Potentia Hestia piped in, "You'd better say goodbye to your manhood"

Causing Harry to stare at them in horror.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry's hands immediately shot down to his whatchamacallit, "Hell no", he squeeked, causing potentia Artemis to snicker.

"Not literally", Hestia added, "Well, not permanently anyway. Magic is a wonderful thing, and fortunately for the spectators, a gender switching spell is one of the first things you learn."

Harry twitched, mind going back to the headmaster before adopting a blank look on his face.

Having guessed where Harry's thoughts went, Potentia Artemis continued, "Ofcourse there are exceptions to the rule, when it comes to actually using them, mostly by the rather elderly, but we usually blame that on a mix of senility and confused gender-identity .

"Or wrackspurts", Potentia Athena piped in.

The rest rolled their eyes, while Harry just looked on confused.

"She's into crypto-zoology", Hera explained. "Wrackspurts make people bully others, amongst other things. It's just a weird way of saying that she thinks the headmistress is just trolling everyone."

Harry considered that for a moment, observing the headmaster as he talked with the nurse.

"That's oddly plausible...", he said tentatively

"But it's just more likely he's a barmy old coot", Hera finished, before adding quickly, "Who is luckily going deaf..."


End file.
